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Post by jbird on Sept 16, 2017 20:47:03 GMT -6
Got to talking about golf with a buddy of mine and I was telling him about this bit Robin Williams did.....he always made me laugh my ass off. I never was a good golfer, but this but just makes me laugh!!! Not a "Dirty" joke.....but hey, if this don;t make ya laugh nothing will!!
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Post by sd51555 on Sept 19, 2017 16:48:15 GMT -6
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Post by sd51555 on Sept 21, 2017 16:48:59 GMT -6
If a man says something in the woods and his wife isn't around to hear it, is he still wrong?
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Post by sd51555 on Oct 16, 2017 18:51:10 GMT -6
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Post by sd51555 on Nov 9, 2017 17:09:31 GMT -6
Two guys were walking down the street to get to a bar. When they arrived at the door, they saw a great dane laying on the sidewalk licking his balls. The first guy says, "I wish I could do that." The second guys says, "Well you probably could, but I think you should pet him a little first."
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Post by badbrad on Nov 21, 2017 22:43:44 GMT -6
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Post by sd51555 on Dec 1, 2017 8:49:56 GMT -6
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Post by sd51555 on Dec 15, 2017 17:34:13 GMT -6
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Post by sd51555 on Dec 19, 2017 12:41:01 GMT -6
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Post by sd51555 on Dec 27, 2017 12:44:33 GMT -6
A doctor was walking down the hallway in the hospital. He was walking slowly and clearly with a great degree of discomfort. He couldn't help but notice two nurses staring at him and whispering to one another. As he came upon them he felt the need to defend himself. He stopped, turned to them and said the following...
"I bet you think I have something wrong with my leg. Well you're wrong."
"And I bet you think I have something wrong with my back. Well you're wrong."
"I thought I just had to fart. Well I was also wrong."
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Post by Tooln on Jan 2, 2018 15:47:52 GMT -6
Frank and Martha have been married for years. Every morning Frank let out one nasty loud fart. Many times over the years Martha has told him. Frank one of these days your going to fart your asshole out. Martha was up early one morning getting ready cause the kids were coming for dinner. They had butchered a chicken the day before and it was going to be dinner. She figured she get even with Frank for all those nasty morning farts. So she took the guts and laid them in the bed next to him. Sure enough as he was waking up he let his daily nasty fly, shortly after she heard him scream like never before. She asked whats the matter. Frank said well all these years you were right, but I got most of them shoved back in.
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Post by sd51555 on Jan 2, 2018 21:04:14 GMT -6
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Post by Reagan on Jan 7, 2018 18:12:10 GMT -6
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Post by wklman on Jan 8, 2018 15:37:36 GMT -6
One for foggy.
Richard Johnson, an elderly golfer accidentally overturned his electric golf cart.
A very attractive mature lady, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out, "Are you okay?"
"I'm okay thanks," he replied as he pulled himself out of the twisted golf cart.
She said, "Come up to my villa, rest a while, and I'll help you get the cart up later." Richard took notice her silky bathrobe revealing a very nice figure.
"That's mighty nice of you," the senior gentleman answered, "but I don't think my wife would like it."
"Oh, come on now, " she insisted.
She was so pretty, and very, very persuasive.
The old guy was weak as he replied: "Well okay," and headed to her place.
After a couple of Manhattans, Richard thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better now. But I know my wife is going to be really upset. So I'd better go now."
"Don't be silly!" she said with a smile. "Stay for a while. She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"
"Still under the golf cart, I guess."
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Post by Foggy on Jan 11, 2018 19:58:52 GMT -6
AN OLD WOMAN WALKED UP AND TIED HER OLD MULE TO THE HITCHING POST. AS SHE STOOD THERE, BRUSHING SOME OF THE DUST FROM HER FACE AND CLOTHES, A YOUNG GUNSLINGER STEPPED OUT OF THE SALOON WITH A GUN IN ONE HAND AND A BOTTLE OF WHISKEY IN THE OTHER. THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER LOOKED AT THE OLD WOMAN AND LAUGHED, "HEY OLD WOMAN, HAVE YOU EVER DANCED?" THE OLD WOMAN LOOKED UP AT THE GUNSLINGER AND SAID, "NO,... I NEVER DID DANCE... NEVER REALLY WANTED TO."
A CROWD HAD GATHERED AS THE GUNSLINGER GRINNED AND SAID "WELL, YOU OLD BAG, YOU'RE GONNA DANCE NOW," AND STARTED SHOOTING AT THE OLD WOMAN'S FEET.
THE OLD WOMAN PROSPECTOR -- NOT WANTING TO GET HER TOE BLOWN OFF --STARTED HOPPING AROUND. EVERYBODY WAS LAUGHING. WHEN HIS LAST BULLET HAD BEEN FIRED, THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER, STILL LAUGHING, HOLSTERED HIS GUN AND TURNED AROUND TO GO BACK INTO THE SALOON.
THE OLD WOMAN TURNED TO HER PACK MULE, PULLED OUT A DOUBLE-BARRELED SHOTGUN, AND COCKED BOTH HAMMERS. THE LOUD CLICKS CARRIED CLEARLY THROUGH THE DESERT AIR, AND THE CROWD STOPPED LAUGHING IMMEDIATELY.
THE YOUNG GUNSLINGER HEARD THE SOUNDS, TOO, AND HE TURNED AROUND VERY SLOWLY. THE SILENCE WAS ALMOST DEAFENING. THE CROWD WATCHED AS THE YOUNG GUNMAN STARED AT THE OLD WOMAN AND THE LARGE GAPING HOLES OF THOSE TWIN BARRELS.
THE BARRELS OF THE SHOTGUN NEVER WAVERED IN THE OLD WOMAN'S HANDS, AS SHE QUIETLY SAID, "SON, HAVE YOU EVER KISSED A MULE'S ASS?"
THE GUNSLINGER SWALLOWED HARD AND SAID, "NO M'AM... BUT I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO.
THERE ARE FIVE LESSONS HERE FOR ALL OF US:
1 - Never be arrogant. 2 - Don't waste ammunition. 3 - Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are. 4 - Always make sure you know who has the power. 5 - Don't mess with old people; they didn't get old by being stupid.
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