|
Post by MoBuckChaser on May 27, 2018 17:16:00 GMT -6
|
|
|
Post by Foggy on Jun 16, 2018 17:40:17 GMT -6
Woman: Do you drink beer? Man: Yes Woman: How many beers a day? Man: Usually about three Woman: How much do you pay per beer? Man: $5.00 which includes a tip (this is where it gets scary!) Woman: And how long have you been drinking? Man: About 20 years, I suppose. Woman: So a beer costs $5 and you have three beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5400 correct? Man: Correct. Woman: If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past 20 years puts your spending at $108,000 correct? Man: Correct. Woman: Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought an airplane? Man: Do you drink beer? Woman: No. Man: Where is your airplane???
|
|
|
Post by sd51555 on Jul 12, 2018 13:52:59 GMT -6
|
|
|
Post by Reagan on Jul 14, 2018 18:03:34 GMT -6
|
|
|
Post by MoBuckChaser on Jul 18, 2018 9:42:15 GMT -6
|
|
|
Post by MoBuckChaser on Jul 18, 2018 9:44:17 GMT -6
Shipwreck story > > A man was washed up on a beach after a shipwreck. Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed up with him. After looking around, he realized that they were stranded on a deserted island. > After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sunset. One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance. > > As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely man. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it. > > But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm off from around the sheep. After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling. > > A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. > > The only survivor was Hillary Clinton. > > That evening, the man brought Hillary to the evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening - red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze - perfect for a night of romance. > > Pretty soon, the man started to get those feelings again. He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave in and leaned over to Hillary and told her he hadn't had sex for months. Hillary batted her eyelashes and asked if there was anything she could do for him. > > He said, 'Take the dog for a walk.'
|
|
|
Post by MoBuckChaser on Jul 18, 2018 12:02:32 GMT -6
ILLEGAL POEM By Illegal Immigrants
I cross river, Poor and broke,
Take bus, See employment folk.
Nice man Treat me good in there, Say I need Go see Welfare.
Welfare say, 'You come no more,
We send cash Right to your door.'
Welfare checks, They make you wealthy,
Medicaid It keep you healthy!
By and by, Got plenty money,
Thanks to you,
TAXPAYER dummy.
Write to friends In motherland,
Tell them 'come, fast as you can'
They come in buses And Chevy trucks,
I buy big house With welfare bucks.
They come here, We live together,
More welfare checks, It gets better!
Fourteen families, They moving in,
But neighbor's patience Wearing thin.
Finally, white guy Moves away, .. I buy his house, And then I say,
'Find more aliens For house to rent.'
In my yard I put a tent.
Send for family They just trash, .... But they, too, Draw welfare cash!
Everything is Very good, Soon we own Whole neighborhood..
We have hobby It called breeding,
Welfare pay For baby feeding.
Kids need dentist? Wife need pills?
We get free! We got no bills!
TAXPAYER crazy! He pay all year, To keep welfare Running here.
We think America Darn good place! Too darn good For white man race.
If they no like us, They can go, Got lots of room In Mexico .
|
|
|
Post by sd51555 on Jul 19, 2018 9:07:34 GMT -6
|
|
|
Post by MoBuckChaser on Jul 19, 2018 9:50:17 GMT -6
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table. I asked her, "Do you know him?" "Yes", she sighed, "He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since." "My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?" And then the fight started...
|
|
|
Post by sd51555 on Jul 25, 2018 11:52:13 GMT -6
|
|
|
Post by Foggy on Jul 28, 2018 13:28:00 GMT -6
|
|
|
Post by MoBuckChaser on Aug 1, 2018 5:42:54 GMT -6
A guy walked into a bar and saw a sign that said cheeseburgers 3$ hotdogs 5$ and handjobs 10$ He goes to the bar and asks the lady "are you the one that gives handjobs" and she said yes, then he replied "well wash your hands I want a cheeseburger
|
|
|
Post by sd51555 on Aug 23, 2018 18:23:43 GMT -6
|
|
|
Post by MoBuckChaser on Oct 4, 2018 11:32:31 GMT -6
While installing a new door, I found one of the hinges missing. I asked my wife if she would go to Home Depot to pick one up. She said she would.
While waiting for the Manager to finish serving another customer, her eye caught two beautiful bathroom faucets - one for the sink and one for the bath tub.
When the Manager was ready to help my wife, she asked, "How much are those faucets?"
The Manager replied, "They are gold plated faucets and very expensive! $5,000 each!" My wife exclaimed, "My goodness, they are really expensive - certainly out of my price range!" She then proceeded to describe the hinge I had sent her to buy.
The Manager said he had them in stock and their price was $3.49. He went to the backroom to get them.
From the backroom, the Manager yelled, "Ma'am, you wanna screw for the hinge?"
My wife shouted back, "No, but I will for the faucets."
This is why you just can't send a woman to Home Depot.
|
|
|
Post by MoBuckChaser on Oct 5, 2018 12:17:44 GMT -6
An 8 pointer, 4 pointer and a button buck are standing by a field browsing on acorns.
The 8 pointer says, 'I'm happy with my 10 does, we're really getting along.'
The 4 pointer says, 'I'm happy as heck with my 5, they really take care of me!'
The Button buck says, 'My two are all right, better than nothing I guess.'
Then all of a sudden a GIANT 14 pointer walks out into the field.
The three bucks had never seen anything like him before, they were in awe.
The big buck made a huge scrape and pissed in it, rubbed a tree the size of a telephone pole and snapped it off at the ground!
The three bucks looked on in amazement.
The 8 pointer says, 'I could probably get by with 4 does........... Who really needs 10 anyway?'
The 4 pointer says, 'You know.............. come to think of it, I only really use one or two of mine!'
The button buck was silent, as the other two bucks look over to him in confusion.
Suddenly the Button buck runs out into the middle of the field!
He rips and tears up some grass........ pisses all over the place, snorts & wheezes, rubs his head raw on a tree, and chews a lickin branch clean off!
Then he runs back over to his buddies.
His friends immediately ask him, 'What the heck are you doing!?'
I'm just makin' sure that big son of a gun knows I'm a buck!'
|
|