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Post by kl9 on Mar 23, 2017 15:38:46 GMT -6
A young New York woman was so depressed she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. Just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man stopped her. "You have so much to live for," he said. "I'm a sailor and we are off to Italy tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy. When we get to Italy you will be SO GLAD that you're alive." With nothing to lose and always wanting to see Italy, she accepted. That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the ship's hold. From then on, every night, he would bring her sandwiches, a bottle of red wine, and make love to her until dawn. Two weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection. “What are you doing here?" asked the captain. "I have an arrangement with a sailor," she replied. "He brings me food and I get a free trip to Italy." "I see," The captain says. Then her conscience got the best of her, and she added, "Plus, he's screwing me." "He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Staten Island Ferry.
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Post by ogemaone on Mar 25, 2017 8:52:04 GMT -6
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Post by badbrad on Mar 30, 2017 8:37:17 GMT -6
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Post by MoBuckChaser on Apr 6, 2017 5:59:12 GMT -6
Iraqi boy finds some american clothes laying in a bagdad street. He puts them on and walks home to show his family. He father says you infidel sum bitch, and proceeds to beat the living hell out of the kid for wearing an americans clothes. He then asks the son, "what do you think of being in amrican clothes now" The boy says, " All I know is, I have only been in american clothes for 10 minutes and I already hate you Muslim Bastards!"
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Post by westbranch on Apr 18, 2017 8:12:47 GMT -6
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Post by sd51555 on May 1, 2017 20:45:53 GMT -6
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Post by Foggy on May 20, 2017 14:26:07 GMT -6
MEN'S HELP LINE --------------------------------
Hello, You have reached the 'Men's Help Line.' My name is Don. How can I help you?"
"Hi Don, I really need your advice on a serious problem.
I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. You know, just the usual signs; the phone rings and when I answer, the caller hangs up. Plus, she goes out with 'the girls' a lot. I usually try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home, but I always fall asleep.
Anyway, last night about midnight, I woke up and she was not home. So I hid in the garage behind my boat and waited for her.
When she came home, she got out of someone's car, buttoning her blouse, then she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on. It was at that moment, while crouched behind the boat, that I noticed a hairline crack in the outboard motor mounting bracket.
Is that something I can weld, or do I need to replace the whole bracket?"
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Post by Foggy on May 22, 2017 16:20:46 GMT -6
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Post by sd51555 on May 23, 2017 20:26:42 GMT -6
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Post by Foggy on May 26, 2017 21:32:32 GMT -6
Some old cowboys were seated around the campfire out on the lonesome prairie, and with the pride for which these men were famous, it was a night of bravado, rot gut whiskey, and many tall tales.
Frank, the hand from Wyoming says, "I must be the strongest, meanest, toughest cowboy there is. Why, just the other day, a bull got loose in the corral. It had gored six men before I wrestled it to the ground by the horns with my bare hands and castrated that sucker with my teeth."
Snake River Ben, from Idaho, couldn't stand to be bested. "That's nothing, I was walking down the trail yesterday and a 15 foot diamondback rattler slid out from under a rock and made a move for me. I grabbed that bastard with my bare hands, bit off its head, and sucked the poison down in one gulp - didn't even get a belly ache."
Old Minnesota River Dave, the cowboy from New Ulm,MN., remained silent, slowly stirring the campfire coals with his pecker...
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Post by Foggy on Jun 2, 2017 15:25:13 GMT -6
A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
"Impossible," says the doctor. "Show me."
She takes her finger and pushes her elbow and screams in agony. She pushes her knee and screams, pushes her ankle and screams. Everywhere she touches makes her scream.
The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette, are you?"
She says "No, I'm really a blonde".
"I thought so," he says. "You have a broken finger."
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Post by sd51555 on Jun 5, 2017 21:47:37 GMT -6
So a guy's wife got to circling on her broom about watching wrestling in the house and put her foot down and forbid him from watching it because he enjoyed it too much. So the hubby got the radio station to prank call his wife. I almost pissed myself as this gag progressed.
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Post by kabic on Jun 6, 2017 6:10:18 GMT -6
Funny shit, I haven't had my coffee yet
LOL.
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Post by mnfish on Jun 6, 2017 6:18:39 GMT -6
Damn funny SD!!
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Post by Tooln on Jun 6, 2017 13:22:02 GMT -6
LMAO Bet he don't get none for a while.
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